Why Do We Find God’s Grace So Confusing?

Our confusion stems from the long-held mistaken belief that our character, good works, and performance define our identity. What a lesson to learn about our identity in Christ and what He did.

May 28, 2025

Yet for many believers—especially those raised in performance-driven religion or churches—grace is one of the most complicated concepts to grasp, accept, and rest in fully. Why is that?

Why do we find God’s grace so confusing?

Grace is simple on paper: unmerited favor—unearned love. God giving us what we don’t deserve and never could earn.

But when you’ve spent your whole life in a world that runs on earning, competing, comparing, and striving… grace doesn’t feel natural. It feels strange. Even offensive.

Grace shatters the illusion that we can impress God. Grace reveals God’s love for us stems from His goodness, not ours. And for many, that’s where the confusion—and the resistance—begins.

We Get What We Do Not Deserve

From our earliest days, we are trained to earn gold stars in kindergarten, report cards in school, and promotions at work. Our successes earn praise, while failures bring rejection or punishment.

So when we come to God, we carry the same mindset: If I do good, He’ll bless me. If I mess up, He’ll back away.

But the message of grace flips all of that on its head. Grace says, “You get what you never earned.”

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8–9.

It’s not a reward—it’s a gift. That means it’s not based on merit. It’s not given in exchange for effort. And that kind of love makes people uncomfortable, especially religious people.

It means the worst person you know is just as eligible for God’s love as the most devoted churchgoer.

It means your past can’t disqualify you. But also, your goodness can’t earn you extra credit.

God Loves Us Because He Is Love

God doesn’t love you because of who you are. He loves you because of who He is. God is love. Love is not something that God does. Your behavior has nothing to do with His love.

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:8

Not “has love” or “shows love.” God is love. It’s His nature. Which means His love doesn’t rise and fall with your performance.

He loves you on your worst day as much as on your best. He loves the addict in relapse as much as the preacher in the pulpit. That’s not minimizing sin—it’s maximizing grace.

We struggle with this because human love is conditional. But God isn’t like us. His love is steady, full, and unchanging.

We Do Not Earn What We Get

Religion tells us to earn. Grace tells us to receive.

That’s why religion is popular—it gives us a scoreboard. It says, “Do these things, and you’ll be in good standing with God.“

Go to church. Tithe. Avoid the big sins. Read your Bible. Pray every day. Don’t cuss, smoke, or drink. That’s how you know you’re good with God.

But grace doesn’t operate like that. Grace says, “You are already in, you are already accepted, you already belong—because of what Jesus did.“

The cross of Jesus Christ makes grace unavoidable.

It is finished, John 19:30

You don’t have to qualify. Jesus qualified for you.

God is not looking for your effort, but your faith and trust in Him.

The Competition Is Gone

Grace eliminates the race.

You’re not trying to be better than your neighbor. You’re not climbing some spiritual ladder.

We all receive the same mercy in grace, all beggars who found bread. The same Father adopts all.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28.

There are no rankings, no levels. That’s why grace irritates the self-righteous, the church pharisee. It equalizes the playing field.

There are no religious big shots. We are all equal before God in Christ. Many have said that the ground is level at the foot of the cross, but we do not act like that is true. The prominent preacher or missionary sure seems to be on a different level. This is just another misunderstanding of grace.

The Comparison Is Gone

Comparison is the thief of joy. And many Christians live in a constant state of spiritual comparison.

But grace silences comparison. Because grace says, “You’re not called to measure up. You’re called to rest in Christ.”

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

Here’s a stronger, clearer version of your passage:

Not less condemnation. No condemnation.

Some argue that Romans 8 includes a condition—that if you walk according to the flesh, you’re still under condemnation. But that’s a misunderstanding of what “flesh” and “Spirit” mean in this chapter.

So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. Romans 8:8–9

The “flesh” refers to those still in Adam—the unsaved. The “Spirit” refers to those who are in Christ, the new Adam. If you are in Christ, you are not in the flesh. Period. You don’t belong to the realm of the flesh anymore, and you don’t walk according to it. You walk in the Spirit because the Spirit of God lives in you.

The point isn’t that there’s less condemnation if you behave a certain way. The point is: in Christ, there is no condemnation at all.

You No Longer Feel So Good About Your Religion

This may sound odd, but grace ruins religion. Once you taste real grace, you stop being impressed by your own “goodness.”

But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ…and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in him, not having mine own righteousness…
Philippians 3:7–9

Your good works and spiritual success are of no value at the cross of Jesus Christ. It is not about you, your obedience, or your good works, but about a Savior, Jesus, who saves completely. He does all the work. You receive the gift.

Grace Feels Too Good to Be True

That’s part of the problem. Grace sounds too good. And we suspect anything that sounds too good.

And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace… Romans 11:6

Do you believe, think, or feel that God’s love for you moves like the stock market, one day up and then down, or wildly erratic? Do you think, like I did so much of my life, that God loves me based on how much I love Him?

Remember, it is either work, law, or grace, a gift. It is about what Jesus did, not what you do.

You Are United With Christ

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me… Galatians 2:20

I am alive, but not me. Can you believe it? Jesus Christ lives in me. I am not working at being holy; I am made holy. Christ is my holiness.

Can you see it? I am in Christ, and He is in me. I live, but not I. He lives in and through me.

Let Jesus Be Jesus in You

We can’t live the Christian life. We fail so often that we all seem to learn that it’s impossible. I can’t, but Jesus can through me.

Stop trying to be like Jesus. Let Jesus be Himself in you.

The Invitation: Stop Striving. Start Resting.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28.

Rest. That’s grace.

Rest from pretending.

Rest from performing.

Rest from comparing.

Rest from trying to deserve what is already yours.

Final Thoughts

Grace confuses us because it contradicts everything our world trains us to believe. But grace is the core of the Gospel.

Our confusion stems from the long-held mistaken belief that our character, good works, and performance define our identity. What a lesson to learn about our identity in Christ and what He did. He finished what we couldn’t even begin.

It’s time to wake up to the work of Christ. Jesus did the work; mine is but to accept the gift. Realize that Jesus did it all, and I receive His good, gracious gift.

Grace offends your ego. But it heals your soul.

And when you finally stop fighting grace and start receiving it, you’ll realize the pressure is off. The striving is over. The Father’s arms are open.

God already loves and accepts you. Already home.

Already Home

Grace—
should feel like sunlight on the skin,
like exhale after years of holding in.
It should be the freest truth we know—
but somehow, we flinch.
We brace.
We bargain.
We try to earn
what was never for sale.

We were raised on scoreboards.
Gold stars, red pens,
report cards,
confession booths.
Do better. Be better.
Earn your keep.
God helps those—
you know the line.
We soaked it in
until grace sounded like a lie.

Unmerited favor?
Too soft.
Too scandalous.
Too generous for the guilty.
Too level for the proud.
Grace does not compute
in a world addicted to earning.

But grace doesn’t play fair—
it plays free.
It wrecks the ladder.
It kills comparison.
It silences shame.
It hands robes to prodigals
and says, “Welcome back.”

Grace is not God turning a blind eye.
It’s God opening both arms.
Grace says, “You can’t. But I already did.”
It doesn’t wait for your résumé.
It doesn’t blink at your rap sheet.
It sees your worst and stays.

And that offends us—
because we wanted to matter for trying.
We wanted to earn a seat.
But grace says, “You belong, not because you climbed—
but because I carried you here.”

Grace shatters religion’s mirror,
and shows you a cross instead.
Where Jesus didn’t hand out help—
He gave Himself.

You can stop.
Stop running,
striving,
proving,
posing.

You are not a project.
You are not a score.
You are not a disappointment waiting to be redeemed.

You are loved.
Because He is love.
And that doesn’t change.

So come,
not cleaned up—
just open.
Not worthy—
just willing.

Fall into the only arms that ever truly held you.

You’re already home.