Used, Ghosted, Betrayed
What Broken Relationships Teach You About Yourself, Others, and God
What We Pretend vs. What’s Real
We live in a culture where “friendship” is watered down.
Smile at someone twice a week? “That’s my friend.”
Coworker shares a meme? “We’re basically family.”
Someone replies to your Instagram story? “They support me.”
Wrong. That’s not friendship. That’s proximity.
Real friendship costs something.
It’s not based on convenience or connection but on character and commitment.
A workmate may laugh at your jokes, send you encouraging texts, and even grab lunch with you five times a week. But remove the job, and what’s left?
Most of the people you think are your friends are just in the same room as you for now.
That’s not cynicism. That’s clarity.
The Five Types of People in Your Life
Strip every relationship down, and you’ll usually find five categories:
True Friends
These are rare. Maybe two or three in your whole life.
They show up at 2 AM. They stay when everyone else leaves.
They tell you the truth, even when it’s hard, and they never keep score.
Situational Friends
You bond over work, the gym, or a shared season.
You laugh, vent, maybe even cry together.
But once the context fades, so do they.
Acquaintances
Friendly faces. You know their dog’s name, maybe their coffee order.
But there’s no depth. You don’t call them when life falls apart.
Users
They’re friendly until they get what they want.
They orbit you for benefits, not bond. Once your usefulness dries up, so does their loyalty.
Ghosts of Convenience
You were tight once. Now it’s just likes and emojis.
They feel like friends because of nostalgia, but are just echoes now.
Workmates Are Not Family. Let’s Stop Pretending.
Companies, churches, and other groups love to throw around “We’re like family here.”
Stop it. You’re not.
Family doesn’t fire you during budget cuts.
Friends don’t throw you under the bus for a promotion.
Coworkers might be cool, but the context is transactional.
Real workplace friendships are rare. You’ll know it when they:
Back you up even when it costs them something
Stay in touch after the job ends
Support you without competition
Most “work besties” are just temporary teammates.
Good while it lasts—but don’t confuse proximity with permanence.
The Tests That Separate the Real From the Rest
Real friendship doesn’t shine in celebration—it shows up in adversity. Ask yourself:
Who stays when you fail?
Who celebrates when you win without getting jealous?
Who respects your “no” without guilt?
Who sticks around when you’ve got nothing to offer?
That’s your crew. The rest are extras in your movie.
Why We Confuse the Two (And Why It Hurts Us)
We crave connection, so we settle for attention.
We mistake familiarity for friendship.
Then we wonder why we feel disappointed, used, or lonely.
Most of the pain we feel in relationships comes from expecting too much from the wrong people.
So here’s your power move: Get clear on the role people play.
Don’t expect a brunch buddy to show up like a brother.
Don’t cast your coworker in a role they never signed up for.
What Real Friendship Looks Like (No Joke)
Consistent, not intense.
Present, even in silence.
Loyal, even when you’re broke, boring, or broken.
Truthful, even when it hurts.
Safe. You don’t feel like you have to earn your place.
If you’ve got someone like this? Guard it. That’s rare.
Don’t Be the Faker Either
You say you want real friends—cool.
Are you being one?
Do you flake?
Do you gossip?
Do you disappear when they need you?
You can’t expect loyalty when you’re not giving.
Be the one who calls first. Shows up first. Forgives first.
Give what you’re starving for.
Let’s Talk About Opportunists
Some people don’t want you—they want your insight.
They get close to learn what you know.
Once they’ve extracted your knowledge, connections, or playbook? They vanish.
Worse, sometimes they turn on you.
Not out of malice. Out of ambition.
They’ll align with people who hate you, copy your moves, or leak your ideas.
You were a ladder. Not a friend.
To the Pastor, Leader, or Teacher
You’ve poured into people.
Given counsel. Sacrificed time. Opened your heart.
And you thought, These are my people.
But here’s the truth:
They weren’t bonding with you. They were feeding on what you carried.
You were a season. A teacher. A tool.
Once they learned enough, they moved on—no explanation, no loyalty.
Don’t confuse admiration for alignment.
They weren’t friends. They were students.
And that’s okay—don’t give casual learners covenant love.
Betrayal Teaches What Loyalty Can’t
When someone you trusted ghosts you, uses you, or turns on you, it hurts.
But it also teaches.
It shows you:
Who’s real
Who’s opportunistic
Who’s not worth bleeding for
Use that pain. Learn from it. And thank God for the clarity.
It’s Lonely at the Top—and at the Bottom
Don’t let people fool you.
Yes, success can isolate you.
But failure does too.
When you’re down, the crowd disappears.
Your inbox dries up. People get “busy.”
Suddenly, you realize most of what you thought was friendship was just entertainment.
The real ones?
They don’t care if you’re killing it or crumbling.
They stay.
How to Rebuild Your Circle
Audit without guilt. Ask: Who shows up consistently? Who drains me?
Invest where it matters. Quiet, steady people are often the most loyal.
Set the standard. Don’t just want better. Be better.
Social Media Isn’t Friendship
10k followers doesn’t mean 10 people care.
Most likes are surface. Most comments are casual.
They’re clapping—not committing.
You need people who show up in person, not just on your timeline.
Don’t confuse attention with connection.
Everyone’s in Their Own Head
Here’s the human condition:
Everyone’s seeing the world from their point of view.
That includes how they see you.
You’re not being known—you’re being interpreted.
They’re hearing you through their pain.
Seeing you through their needs.
It’s like two people yelling through mirrors.
No wonder it feels like you’re never truly understood.
True friendship starts when someone decides to break the mirror.
How a Low View of Yourself Sabotages Friendship
You don’t trust anyone to love you, because you don’t love yourself.
So you push people away. Or overgive. Or self-sabotage.
You’re waiting for someone to convince you you’re worthy.
But they can’t. That belief has to come from within.
Your View of God Shapes Everything
If you think God barely tolerates you, you’ll expect the same from people.
If you think you have to earn His love, you’ll keep performing in relationships.
But if you believe God actually delights in you?
That He knows you fully and still wants you?
You stop striving.
You start living.
The Friend You Were Made For
God isn’t just a judge. Or a king. Or a distant power.
He’s your Friend.
Jesus said it: “I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)
That’s not poetry. That’s a promise.
He doesn’t flinch at your mess.
He doesn’t ghost you.
He doesn’t need you to impress Him.
He just wants to walk with you.
And when you taste that kind of friendship?
You’ll stop settling for all the fake ones.
Final Word: Be Ruthless with Labels, Soft with Loyalty
Most people aren’t your enemy.
But they’re not your friend either.
Know the difference.
Love them, but don’t lean on them.
And when you find the rare ones who love you like God does, hold tight.
Because real friendship isn’t loud.
It’s loyal.
And it lasts.
What We Pretend vs. What’s Real
A Poem on Friendship, Clarity, and Commitment
We scroll and smile, we nod and wave,
Declare someone our friend—so brave.
A meme, a lunch, a passing glance,
And suddenly—we’ve found romance.
But friendship isn't hallway chats,
Or emojis sent with little stats.
It's not the cheer from center stage,
But who walks with you through the cage.
True friends? They're few. They're rare. They stay.
They show up when hope slips away.
At 2 a.m. they cross the line,
No scoreboard, pride, or grand design.
The rest? They fall in five clear kinds—
You'll find them if you read the signs:
Situational—they’re close a while,
Bound by gym or job or style.
But when the moment fades to black,
They never text. They don’t look back.
Acquaintances—you know their drink,
You nod, you laugh—you barely think.
But call them when your world is done?
They won’t reply. They’ll turn and run.
Users—they're kind until they win,
Then vanish like they’ve never been.
They wanted access, not your soul,
You were a step, not the goal.
Ghosts of Convenience—once so tight,
Now memories that fade from sight.
They haunt your feed, but not your life—
A chapter closed without the strife.
And then the lie the world sells hard:
“We’re family here,” says the business card.
But family doesn’t cut you loose,
To tighten up the profit noose.
The “work besties” we cling to now
Will often vanish, break their vow.
Proximity is not the proof—
Wait ‘til it costs them. Then find truth.
So test your circle. Count the cost.
Who’s still standing when you’ve lost?
Who claps without a tinge of spite?
Who says “I’m here,” and means it—right?
Most of the wounds we carry deep
Come from false friends we tried to keep.
We cast them in a starring role,
They only came to meet their goal.
To the pastor, leader, voice on stage—
You gave, they left. You turned the page.
They didn’t want you, just what you gave.
You were the ship, not the wave.
It hurts, I know. Betrayal stings.
But clarity is what it brings.
Now you see who’s here for real—
Not for your gift, but how you feel.
And what about you—are you that friend?
Or just pretending 'til the end?
Do you call first? Or disappear?
Are you the anchor? Or the fear?
Don’t chase a bond you never give.
Don’t ask for love you fail to live.
Be the one who stays through storms,
Who doesn’t flinch when life deforms.
And yes—there are opportunists too,
Who steal your playbook, mimic you.
They’ll smile and soak up all you say,
Then sell your name to clear their way.
But don’t grow bitter, don’t grow cold—
The rare, real ones are worth the gold.
When crowds disperse and cheers go still,
Who’s at your side? Who loves you still?
Who calls you out but won’t back down?
Who lifts you up without your crown?
Jesus does.
He said, "I call you friends.”
Not after sin. Not when it ends.
But in the mess. In dark and light—
His love stays steady through the night.
No mirrors there. No roles to play.
Just Him and you. No mask. No sway.
When you taste love that deep and pure,
You’ll stop mistaking less for more.
So let the extras come and go.
Love all. Trust few. Let the Spirit show
Who stands with you when all is bare—
When you’re not strong, not sharp, not fair.
Be ruthless with the label game—
Not all deserve the “friend” by name.
But be soft with loyalty, mercy too.
Some may not know—they’re just passing through.
Hold tight the ones who choose to stay.
Let others learn and walk away.
And while the world keeps calling fake,
Be the real one, for Jesus’ sake.