The Cost of Holding Grudges: Effects on Mental and Emotional Health

Understanding how holding grudges affects personal and spiritual growth

How many people live holding on to grudges? Holding on to a grudge means that you have been harboring feelings of resentment, anger, or ill will toward someone for a prolonged period. The hurt or past offense, or at least how you perceive it, has caused a persistent, negative emotional state toward a person or situation.

From the Old Testament, God’s people were not to hold grudges.

Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:18.

What holding a grudge looks like.

It is the persistence of anger, bitterness, or hostility. It is the difficulty in letting go of past hurts or conflicts.

This happens when we focus on the negative aspects of an interaction or relationship. We recall, meditate, and dwell on our past grievances.

We wish the other person who hurt us to suffer negative consequences. Some even meditate on or plot how to get even.

The relationship is strained, damaged, or appears beyond repair. This strain seeks to separate other friendships with an either-or attitude. You are my friend or theirs, but you can’t be both.

The grudges we hold cost us tremendously. We burn all of our energy, maintaining these negative feelings, which cause us stress and anxiety. We can even be angry with God for not righting the wrong.

What does holding grudges do to you?

You have increased stress and anxiety. The hurt from what happened and the fear of it happening again hinder you from even forming new relationships. It is hard to be happy when you desperately want to be angry.

All your energy being consumed in the grudge prevents personal or spiritual growth.

What can you do?

What about practicing forgiveness? Let it go. Decide that you will no longer hold on to the grudge, the hatred, the ill will. Let down your guard and trust again.

Try to think about how it affects the other person as well. Most grudges focus on me, what happened, and how it affected or hurt me. We are so inwardly focused that we can’t think of the other person. Why did they do what they did? What must they feel?

Talk to the person you have a grudge against. Do what you can to resolve it.

Work on growing and moving forward. Let nothing that happened in the past become your identity. You are bigger than any conflict.

Find a person who can help you get past your hurt. Why would you allow that person to affect every part of your current life? Move on.

Bible Answers

Forgive others just as you have been forgiven.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Give grace to others just as you have experienced.

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.  Colossians 3:13

Turn your hurts over to God and leave them there.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19

It is your decision.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15.

Pray for them

Bless them that curse you, and pray for them Luke 6:28.

Stop talking about it

He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; But he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends. Proverbs 17:9

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Effective Strategy for Church Planting

Clarity in defining terms such as "church" and "church planting" is essential. Extensive, multi-year training for pastors is necessary, as a brief training period is often insufficient. The episode advocates for starting ministries in major cities while supporting rural areas, emphasizing a balanced approach. Supporting Bible colleges, local Bible institutes, and individuals committed to planting multiple churches is vital. Avoiding mission fads and focusing on a comprehensive strategy ensures the sustained spread of the gospel.