Navigating a cancer diagnosis can be a daunting and overwhelming experience. It’s a journey with hard decisions, emotions, and unforeseen challenges. As you embark on your road to recovery, you must be mindful of the mistakes to avoid. There are many things to remember, such as seeking multiple medical opinions and caring for your emotional and mental health.
Watch your Thinking
When you first go in for your exam, fear already consumes you. You have heard all the stories of people dealing with cancer. Now it is you. How do you handle that?
I knew something was bad wrong when I urinated blood the first time. I made lots of mistakes I want to help you avoid.
During one of my visits, as I left, I heard the tech say, “Well, I wish you the best” I knew that meant something was severely wrong. Now you must wait for days, the weekend, or whatever, to hear from the Doctor. No one but you can understand the tension and stress that it causes. That scan revealed I had five tumors.
When you get home or with family and friends and want to talk about it, no one else does. We have a talent for ignoring the obvious problem.
You feel lonely and hurting because no one wants to talk about it. Everyone tells you “not to worry.” Everyone says that “God is good.” “I am sure it is nothing.” “Let’s hope for the best” while your heart races a mile a minute.
Don’t isolate yourself.
The temptation to isolate yourself will be strong. You will want to be alone. The first day after my initial diagnosis, I was terrified. I knew about my relationship with God, but the thought of leaving this world, of losing my wife, my children, my friends, my ministry, and, well, just life, filled me with dread, hurt, and anxiety.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially after my closest family and friends had taken the positive route as they talked to me.
I was in the pit and wanted people to join me in my pity party, but no one wanted in. Which is good, although I couldn’t see it then.
Don’t bottle up your feelings.
You must not try to hold it all in and keep a brave face for your family. It is important for you and them. If you hold them in, you are likely to increase your stress, anxiety, and depression, and this can negatively affect your overall well-being.
Getting your emotions out will help you process and navigate the diagnosis. Naturally, you are experiencing a range of emotions, such as fear, anger, and sadness, after a cancer diagnosis.
You will need support. Your pastor, spiritual counselor, or spouse and family might be where you find that. You will want to be very honest and transparent with your doctor. Ask questions. Tell them what you are thinking.
Often, the bottled-up feelings cause us to think things that aren’t even true. Our imaginations run wild, so you must stop the negative thinking.
Cast all your care on the Lord Jesus.
Stop the negative self-talk.
You think God is angry with you. You ask yourself what you did to deserve this. You may even try to find someone to blame. Was it my parents and their DNA, or was it the doctors who didn’t scan me enough? Who can I blame? You blame yourself for your diet, lack of exercise, or whatever.
Thoughts fly in that tell you how you are going to suffer, and you imagine your family standing around your bed as you die. You hear them in hush tones talking about what is happening to you.
Forgotten, you think it will not be long before your family and friends forget you existed.
As a believer, you know that is not what you are supposed to do. You need to bring all your thoughts into obedience to the Lord Jesus. The spirit of fear is not part of the believer’s life, so get the victory.
Don’t make major decisions until you get more control.
You need to take time to control your heart and mind before making significant decisions. You need to process your emotions, come to terms with what is happening, and think clearly.
One of your major goals at the very beginning should be to regain a sense of control and stability in your life. Once you think clearly, you will make wiser decisions.
Gather the information. Take your time. Discuss things with your doctor, family, and friends before making significant choices. Don’t be impulsive.
You need time to weigh the long-term implications of your decision.
Preparing for Your Cancer Diagnosis
When you know something is wrong, and you are pretty sure it is cancer, you need to prepare yourself for what is about to happen. You will want to take several steps as you think of your immediate future and what will happen after that.
Seek multiple medical opinions before making treatment decisions.
When I got the first diagnosis, I asked friends who worked in the medical field. The first doctor they sent me to wanted to cut me from the belly button to the spine to take out the cancerous kidney. The Doctor said I would need at least six months to recover from being cut in half.
Speaking with other friends, I heard of a doctor who was famous for doing laparoscopic surgery. I entered his office, and he confidently told me he could get my kidney out by making only 4 or 5 incisions. He would put my kidney in a plastic bag and pull it out. I would need several weeks to recover.
I went with the second doctor. Little did I know that nine years later, the cancer would come back, probably because some of the cancer cells had leaked out while the doctor removed the bagged kidney from my body.
Even the second go around, I went to an oncologist who put me on immunotherapy to reduce the size of my tumors. He told me surgery would be too invasive and catastrophic. His treatment shrank the tumors but caused significant discomfort. I dealt with unbelievable weakness and extreme diarrhea, all because of my monthly infusions and daily cancer meds.
When I saw another doctor about the tumors because I was so tired of life and I wanted to die, he told me he could cut out the tumors. I told him what the oncologist had said. The surgeon responded well, “he isn’t a surgeon, is he?”
Educate yourself about your specific type of cancer.
You must understand the diagnosis. The first time you hear it will be difficult, and you might miss much of the discussion. You should record it to listen to it again later and with others who might help you hear what you are missing.
Your out-of-control emotions cloud your vision and block your hearing and understanding. So be sure you understand what is being said.
Stage 4 doesn’t mean the same with every sort of cancer, at least according to my doctors. Clear Cell Carcinoma at stage 4 still has many more options than brain or lung cancer. So be careful to listen.
Study all treatment options, weighing the pros and cons of each. It is wise to consult with more than one doctor.
Ask questions and do not be shy about it. What are the potential risks and expected outcomes of the treatment plan?
I did not seek a second opinion the second time and knew I should have. I finally sought a second opinion when I became exasperated with the oncologist. I underwent an infusion monthly and daily cancer meds and had to see the doctor every other month. Then he went on vacation, and I missed being able to see the doctor himself for about four months. That frustrated me because I was miserable with the side effects. That is when I finally sought this surgeon as my second opinion.
Don’t unquestioningly trust Google.
My doctors were a little tight-lipped about what was happening. I suggest reading every word of every report. They called it a mass and seemed to pass over it lightly until I read the reports in my patient portal.
I was in palliative care. The medical team only told me once I read the report and looked it up online. I came across something like palliative care, which provides specialized medical care that focuses on relieving symptoms, pain, and stress associated with severe illnesses like cancer. Healthcare professionals provide palliative care alongside curative treatment, to improve the quality of life for the patient and their family.
What it meant was they would manage my pain and symptoms, provide emotional support, assist with understanding treatment options, and help me make decisions that would align with my goals and values.
This type of care can be for any stage of an illness but may primarily focus on the “end of life” and helping the patient achieve the best possible quality of life, regardless of the stage of their illness.
Online, I saw it was just before hospice would be offered. The doctor assured me I was not that far along. Even the surgeon helped me see that if the cancer returned, which it did, they still had many options. But the words palliative care scared me even more. I asked if I needed to get my things in order, and he said no, I think we have several more good years.
Recognize the impact your diagnosis may have on loved ones.
A friend of mine was dying of brain cancer. I was at his side for over 60 days. He knew he had little time to live. He was one of my best friends. For nine years in a row, he visited me in Peru. Once he knew he was going to die and there were no more treatments, he came to Peru one last time, and our Bible College awarded him an honorary doctorate.
I learned something from him. The news frustrated and hurt him. He would often strike out and say ugly things, especially to his wife. (She also died of cancer later) I scolded him one day and said he shouldn’t treat her that way. He responded, “look, I am the one doing the dying here.”
I responded that the whole family was dying together. It is so hard to see that others are hurting the way you are when you are dealing with your cancer, your treatments, and even your impending death, but remember that your family is suffering with you.
Be careful to think of your family and those caring for you. Think of how difficult it must be to help you and watch you helplessly die if the cancer has progressed that far.
Even if it hasn’t, your fears and frustrations make you angry and defensive, and you strike out and hurt people even unintentionally. No one but one who is walking this journey can understand so much.
We need to draw closer in the days of trials and trouble. Don’t let your hurt cause hurt to those you love the most. They need you to think of them, to give them the rest they need, the break from the dark cloud.
Say thank you often and express your gratitude. Your loved ones need to know that you notice them in all their sacrifices for your comfort.
I know this. If death is coming, I want it to be a sweet and loving time that all my family will remember for a long time afterward. I don’t want to be the bitter, hateful old man that is hurting. No excuses.
I have been ugly way too much in the past. I have struck out at my friends. I have been angry that it was happening to me and mistreated those dearest to me. I do not want to do that again.
Avoiding Common Mistakes and Pitfalls
Letting fear dictate your treatment decisions
Not learning about your cancer, so you can expect and prepare for the future.
Not controlling your thoughts.
Not casting all your cares on the Lord.
Not keeping the Lord Jesus at the center of your focus instead of making it all about you.
Being passive instead of actively taking part in your care, asking questions.
Developing unhealthy coping mechanisms like smoking or excessive alcohol consumption. For me, it was, well, if I am going to die, I am going to eat anything I want. I just got fatter and fatter. It’s not really the best way to fight cancer.
Neglecting financial planning and understanding your insurance coverage.
Shutting out your loved ones; allow them to support you.
Dwelling on the past or worrying excessively about the future.
Not staying diligent with follow-up appointments and screenings.
Comparing your journey to others with cancer.
Not keeping a folder of important documents and medical records.
Giving in to negative thoughts or hopelessness.
Withholding critical information from your healthcare team.
Neglecting your spiritual or religious needs.
Neglecting to express gratitude and appreciation for your support system.
Neglecting to celebrate milestones and embrace your journey as a survivor.
Training Leaders, Helping Others Be All that God has for them
I love that God has allowed me to spend so much of my life training men for the ministry. I want to share what I have learned with you. You can listen to these episodes for free on the World Evangelism Podcast. They will help you share what you know and who you are in Christ with others.
Help for your Marriage
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