Lessons from Cancer: Today is All You Have

Forgive While You Still Can

If I’ve learned anything from walking through this Stage 4 Kidney Cancer, it’s this: life is too short to keep holding on to old wounds. Most of us think we’ve got plenty of time to fix things later, to make things right “one of these days.” But days slip by. Hurt turns to bitterness, and bitterness turns to silence. Before you know it, years have passed, and you don’t even remember how the whole thing started.

I used to think forgiveness was something I’d get around to when the hurt faded, or when the other person finally understood how wrong they’d been. But forgiveness is something you do before you feel ready. Sometimes it’s something you do while you’re still hurting, while you’re still angry, even when you don’t know if it will make any difference to the other person at all.

The older I get, the more I see just how true it is that tomorrow may never come. There are no guarantees. You can make your plans and imagine you’ll have time to fix it all later, but life has a way of reminding us that today is all we have.

Paul wrote about

“forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

There’s wisdom in that. You can’t change yesterday. All the reliving and replaying in your mind won’t undo a single word or action. And you can’t live in tomorrow either, because none of us knows if we’ll even see it. All you can do is choose what you’ll do today.

There’s something I wish I’d learned sooner: real forgiveness isn’t a product of willpower or waiting for your feelings to line up. Forgiveness is an act of the will. You can decide to forgive, even when your heart doesn’t feel like it, and even if you have to make that decision repeatedly as old hurts resurface. It’s not a once-and-done event. Sometimes you have to wake up and choose it all over again, and God honors that kind of obedience.

Forgiveness also extends beyond simply letting go. It means refusing to broadcast what someone did to you, refusing to tell others, or paint the person in a bad light, even if you think they deserve it. It means choosing not just to let them off your hook, but to ask God to bless them, not punish them. That’s not easy, and it doesn’t come naturally. But when you begin to pray for God’s best in the life of the one who hurt you, something shifts. You find yourself set free, right along with them.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean you have to be best friends again, or that you suddenly forget what happened. It just means you’re tired of letting the past steal your peace. It means you’d rather be free than right.

Remember:

“Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

God doesn't wait for us to deserve His mercy. He gives it freely, no strings attached, no conditions. That’s what He asks from us, too, not because it’s easy, but because He knows what holding on to old pain does to a soul.

I am sure you have watched families go decades without speaking, all because someone said something sharp in a moment of anger. You’ve seen friends split apart, each waiting for the other to make the first move. I’ve even carried some grudges of my own, and looking back, all it did was make the load heavier. The only thing harder than forgiving is wishing you had, once it’s too late.

There’s an old friend whose mom died before they ever made peace. I’ll never forget the regret in her eyes at the funeral. “I thought we’d have more time,” she said, but the truth is, none of us knows how much time we’ve got. We often think that tomorrow is guaranteed, but all we have is today.

Corrie ten Boom once stood face to face with the man who had guarded her in a concentration camp. She didn’t feel like forgiving, but she remembered that forgiveness isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. Sometimes you do it trembling, asking God to help your heart catch up later.

If you’re struggling to forgive, don’t look at yourself and say, “I just can’t do it.” Look to Jesus, who already carried your pain and your bitterness and offers you His forgiveness, right here and now. Stop striving. Rest in His love. Let yourself be filled again and again until you’re able to see even the one who hurt you through God’s eyes. That’s when forgiveness overflows not as a duty, but as the natural fruit of His grace at work in you.

And if the old feelings return tomorrow, forgive again. And the next day, if necessary. Forgiveness is a journey, not a single step. Sometimes it means closing your mouth when you want to defend yourself, or refusing to seek sympathy by sharing what was done to you. Sometimes it means quietly asking God to bless the person who wronged you, until your heart slowly starts to mean it.

If you’re holding on to something, let it go. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Now, while you can still pick up the phone, or walk across the room, or say the words you need to say. Don’t wait until you’re standing at a graveside with nothing left but could-have-beens.

The past is over. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Today is the only day you have, and it’s the day God’s given you to make things right.

So say it. Write the letter. Make the call. Or tell God you’re ready to forgive, even if you don’t know how. Sometimes that’s all it takes to let a little light back in.

Don’t let today slip away. Forgive while you still can. Let God’s grace carry you into freedom.