Diotrephes: The Church Bully

Every church has one. You know the type — the man or family who quietly pulls the strings.

Every Church Has One

Every church has one. You know the type. The man—or maybe it's a family—who quietly pulls the strings. Not loud. Not flashy. But everyone knows. If he doesn’t like it, it probably won’t happen.

And here’s the thing: on the outside, he looks like the dream church member. Generous. Faithful. Always there. But behind the scenes? He’s steering the whole thing, not by leading in the light, but by managing in the dark. And the sad part is, most people don’t even realize it.

Some pastors learn it the hard way. You get voted in thinking you're there to lead, preach, and shepherd God’s people. But before long, you find out who really runs things. And it’s not the Lord. It’s not the Spirit. It’s Diotrephes.

His name might be different. But that spirit—that hunger to control, to be first, to quietly dominate—is still alive and well.

The apostle John called it out:

“I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.” III John 9

That one verse says it all. He loves the preeminence. He can’t help it. He’s got to be first. And if someone comes in—pastor, leader, missionary—who might threaten his position? He'll shut them down, one way or another.

What He Looks Like Today

Diotrephes doesn't stand out right away. He’s not the one causing scenes in meetings. He won’t raise his voice. He doesn't have to. He has influence, money, and knowledge of the back channels.

He meets with the men before the men’s meeting, calls people behind the pastor’s back, and uses his giving as leverage. And everyone feels it, even if no one says it out loud.

He might be a deacon, an elder, or just the guy who's been there the longest. But somewhere along the way, the church stopped being led by the Spirit and started being managed by Diotrephes.

He never says, "I'm in charge." He doesn't have to. Everyone knows.

Why It’s So Dangerous

A church that lets one man’s influence override spiritual authority is in trouble. You may still have a pastor, but he’s preaching on borrowed ground. Every decision goes through Diotrephes first—quietly, informally, but always.

And it doesn’t usually come across as rebellion. Diotrephes talks like he cares. He speaks softly, shares his “concerns,” and quotes just enough Scripture to sound right. But deep down, his concern is always about one thing: control.

He says he's protecting the church, watching the doctrine, and guarding the direction. But it's not about spiritual health—it's about staying in power. He doesn't need applause; he just needs control.

And the worst part? A lot of people think he's doing the right thing.

Scripture is Clear

"Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God." III John 11

That verse doesn't give us wiggle room. If it's good, it's of God. If it's evil, it isn't. Period. And no amount of money, tradition, or "good intentions" makes manipulation okay.

What Happens When Diotrephes Takes Over

Once Diotrephes gets his way, the church starts to shift—slowly, quietly. Decisions are made before meetings even happen, pastors are pressured to fall in line, and people start whispering in corners. And those who push back? They don’t last long.

The church buys the land Diotrephes wants, builds the building he designed or approved, and follows the plan he already cleared with his friends. Everyone else is just catching up.

He won’t say it from the pulpit. But he’ll say it at lunch. He’ll say it during a call. And the message is clear: if you don’t like the direction, maybe this isn’t the church for you.

He doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't have to. His checkbook does the talking.

Without meaning to, the church starts looking to him instead of the pastor, instead of Christ. And little by little, the Spirit stops leading.

The Trap of Silent Obligation

John Maxwell once said, "If you let someone else pay for everything, you put yourself in a position of obligation."

That’s not just about lunch. That’s about leadership. That’s about church.

When one man pays for the building, funds the ministries, and "makes it all happen," everyone walks on eggshells around him. No one wants to lose him. And slowly, silently, the obligation becomes control.

It doesn’t feel like abuse. It feels like "wisdom." Like "being careful." But it's not the Spirit. It's not freedom. It's fear.

He Hides Behind Goodness

That’s the trick. Diotrephes looks like a blessing. He looks like the kind of man every pastor would want. He says the right things, prays the right way, and gives faithfully.

But his meekness is a mask. His quietness is a tactic. And if you watch closely, you’ll see it: every time he talks about the church, the issue is never really the mission. It's always about whether he still has a seat at the table.

He uses Scripture to hold ground, not to seek truth. He appeals to tradition to protect his place, not to glorify Christ.

He doesn’t want the spotlight. He just wants to call the shots.

What John Told Us to Do

John didn’t suggest we play nice. He didn’t recommend we keep peace with Diotrephes. He said:

"Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth..." III John 10

Call it out, don't let it slide, and don't hand over God's church for the sake of convenience.

Then he says this:

"Beloved, follow not that which is evil..." III John 11

There’s no middle ground. You either follow what’s good or you follow what’s evil.

Lessons for the Church Today

The spirit of Diotrephes still shows up today. Different clothes. Same heart.

Here’s what we have to remember:

• The church belongs to Christ. No one else.

• Leadership is about service, not control.

• Spiritual authority comes from God, not from influence.

• If you stay silent in the face of manipulation, you're allowing it.

A healthy church doesn’t just run well. It walks humbly, listens to the Spirit, and resists Diotrephes's quiet pull.

Final Word

Diotrephes thought he was doing the right thing. He probably had a group of people who agreed with him.

But it doesn’t matter how good the outcome looks if the method is wicked.

You cannot build the church of Jesus Christ using the tools of the enemy.

Pastors, deacons, men in the church—be wise. Don’t sell your soul just to avoid conflict. Don’t bow to Diotrephes to "keep the peace."

Better to face the storm now than to lose the whole church later.

Christ is the head of the church. No man can take His place.

"Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good." III John 11

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Every Church Has One

He doesn’t wear a crown or robe,
He’s not the preacher, not the pope.
He sits in pews like all the rest,
But make no mistake—he runs the nest.

He prays with grace, he gives with cheer,
He nods and smiles from ear to ear.
But watch him closely, mind the signs—
He moves the pulleys, pulls the lines.

He meets before the meeting starts,
He plays the game with guarded hearts.
He speaks in whispers, not in roars—
And yet he owns the church's doors.

He hides behind a saintly mask,
But every move serves just one task:
To guard his seat, to steer the show,
And quietly let pastors know.

That if they lead, they lead through him—
And if they don’t, their light grows dim.
He doesn’t raise a single hand—
He simply nods, and takes his stand.

And sadly, many never see
That underneath such loyalty,
Is not a servant’s yielded grace,
But Diotrephes in modern face.

He speaks of doctrine, speaks of care,
But only if he’s reigning there.
He quotes the Word to stake his claim,
Yet never bows to Jesus’ name.

And if you challenge or resist,
You’ll find your name scratched off the list.
You won’t be shouted down or shamed—
You’ll just be gone, without a name.

So pastors, deacons, church, beware—
This spirit’s lurking everywhere.
It thrives in corners, cloaked and dressed
In Sunday suits and well-pressed vests.

But John has told us what to do:
Don’t sweep it under, face what’s true.
Call out the deeds, don’t shrink or run—
The church belongs to Christ alone.

So let the Diotrephes take heed,
This church is Christ’s, not his to lead.
And every shepherd worth his call
Will serve the Lord—no fear at all.