Clouds of Negativity

Lessons in Friendship: Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Drainage

Nov 26, 2024

Clara’s warm smile and kind spirit were familiar to everyone in her small country town. She was a helpful neighbor, volunteering and helping with minor tasks like carrying the groceries of older adult couples.

Lily, Clara’s friend, had just returned to the area after a devastating divorce. Clara was so happy to see her since they had been friends since early childhood. They laughed, joked, played around, and served together. It was great to be together again.

Lily wanted so much to help Clara live again and escape from the dark clouds plaguing her life. But then.

Lily started belittling everything Clara accomplished. Clara felt like any success she experienced hurt Lily. Lily said, “You were just lucky. That could have happened to anyone. You were just in the right place at the right time. You didn’t really deserve that.”

Clara cringed as Lily criticized every decision she made. She couldn’t get a break from the derogatory remarks. From her clothes to how she related to her husband and children, it was like Lily had come to fix them. Life was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

Clara loved Lily and figured that Lily was simply struggling because of the divorce, the drastic move from the city to the small town, and all the turmoil from starting over alone. But the dark clouds of Lily’s negative influence seeped deeper into Clara’s life.

It seemed that Lily wanted to separate Clara from her husband. Lily’s constant criticism, calling Clara’s husband a chauvinist, demanding, and needy, hurt Clara more every day.

Lily so strongly disagreed with Clara’s faith, family, and everything she did that their friendship became more strained every day. Lily wanted to tell Clara how to raise the children, be a wife, and dress.

Lily was trying to get Clara to pull away from her friends because she claimed they were a bad influence who went along with how men, including Clara’s husband, acted and how the church manipulated and controlled Clara.

Lily was a powder keg of emotions. She could cry about the past one minute and explode in anger over something small the next. In Lily’s opinion, her ex-husband, her parents, society, the church, and everyone had abused and mistreated her.

Clara finally realized that she had to do something. She was becoming like Lily, which affected her marriage, her relationship with her children, and even her relationship with God.

Clara realized she could no longer cope with Lily’s ever-changing moods. The laughter had long left Clara’s life; the joy had gone, and the black clouds had rolled in.

Lily accused Clara of not being a good friend. She claimed that Clara only thought of herself, her family, her children, and her stuff. Clara was tired of feeling trapped, suffocating in the negativity.

Clara confronted Lily and expressed how she felt hurt by the constant criticism and complaining that had drained her.

Lily immediately defended herself. She was the victim. Clara was the attacker. Lily was beyond angry.

Clara realized she would need to pull away and limit their time together as much as she hated it.

Clara had to clear her thinking, heart, and emotions and begin to live again. She wanted her laughter back, to start serving again, and to live for something more than herself.

Be Aware

Constant drama is a danger sign. Creating or amplifying conflict. Thriving on chaos
Consistently negative. Negativity, Negative Nancy. Always against everything.
Criticizing
Centered on self. Can feel only for themselves or people they perceive to be like them
Casting blame. What ever is wrong is usually someone else’s fault
Crying victim
Conniving, dishonesty, lying
Clingy, neediness

Be careful

To guard your heart

Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23.

To know the truth

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32.

To treat those who mistreat you correctly

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44.

To live at peace

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18.

‌To forgive

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Colossians 3:13.‌